The other day, my friend sent a photo of a rack that had collapsed under the weight of all her clothes. It was like looking at a landfill sourced from Sex and the City: chic, but also quelle horreur! The woman had accumulated too much stuff and arranged it on a rack that was far too weak. First rule: Thou shall not exceed the weight of the rack with the weight of vintage Thierry Mugler blazers.
My pal texted me not because I am particularly kind and want to hear about the cornucopia of designer clothes marinating on her floor. She needed professional advice. I’m a writer and have some semblance of a degree in the craft (Hofstra? You be the judge), but I also have real-world experience helping people pare back. On my series NEVERWORNS, I dig through the closets of fashion editors and writers. And if you search the crevices of Vogue from the late 2010s, you’ll find articles about me knee-deep in my bosses’ wardrobes, helping them offload both stupendous things like Nicolas Ghesquière’s first Balenciaga City bag and more tragique pieces, including gifted wallets that looked like they were plucked from duty-free Chișinău.
Needless to say, over the years, I have excelled at exorcising other people’s stagnant wares, but I’ve often been stumped as to how to do it for myself. Think of me as a therapist who’s in need of a therapist. However, I’ve developed a system to clean out my closet solo and sans regrets. It’s almost like breathwork, but for ridding my shoe rack of circumcised stilettos and thong heels that flay the skin. Here, my new rules for decluttering.
Set a time limit.
Do not designate a full day to shedding your “neverworn” wares. Try 30 minutes, but if you’re busy and can only spare 15 that’s fine too. Even 60 seconds will do. When you give yourself time, you give yourself too many what-if options not to part with a piece. Side note: this tactic also works when dating. Whether it’s a shirt or a dude, you’re either in or out, honey! Recently I said sayonara to my beloved Versace Jeans Couture top. With a moth-hole edging towards the nipple, it was really and truly finished between us.
Ask number questions.
You can’t deny basic arithmetic! The first question I ask anyone when I enter a minefield of a closet is: When was the last time you wore it? If it’s languished on a rack for nine months to a year (this is season-dependent), then think strongly about parting with it.
Contemplate the tag.
Perhaps you haven’t gotten around to wearing the item. That is fine, but give a good, hard think about why you haven’t worn it. You’ll probably need to understand your shopping habits. I have a few names for these shopping syndromes, like Label Dickmitization (you bought it for the label despite its shortcomings) and Price Wasn’t That Bad Brain (the price wasn’t that bad despite the piece’s shortcomings). The list goes on. Perhaps you are one of these people and need to dig into your true feelings before you swipe your credit card.
Think about why you’re tied to certain items.
There is most likely a lot of emotion here. Sometimes, there is a guilt complex. Did your mom give you an ugly blouse, but you can’t bear to say goodbye? Was it a gift? I’ve coined syndromes for these conditions, too! Mommy Issues Hoarding Syndrome (MIHS) and Gift Guilt Syndrome (GGS). Attempt to separate yourself from the object. If the going gets tough, some Enya, a beta blocker, and a walk around the block may be in order. Remember: If the item is taking up unwanted space, it is taking up unwanted spiritual real estate, too.
Deploy the expiration pile tactic.
With a last resort pile, and you must adhere to a few rules. First, put all the items you are unsure about in a heap (or neatly on a rack or in a drawer), then wear the piece and test it out. Write down or take a mental note of how you feel in the piece. If you like how you feel, keep it. If you don’t like it, say goodbye! Don’t abuse the pile! Be discerning.
Think about things that aren’t fitting quite right.
This rule does not apply to items that don’t fit due to major size fluctuations, but rather items that have never really fit quite right to begin with. We all have them: The blazer that you bought at a sample sale with a friend who convinced you the bloated shoulder pads made you appear “confident” in a Michael-Douglas-Wall Street way, but actually left you looking like an out-of-work David Byrne impersonator. In an ill-fitting item, discomfort radiates from your very essence.. How can you be 100% present if you’re tugging at a shirt or thinking about a button popping out?
Take it to a tailor.
If items aren’t fitting exactly how you want, but you still see some hope in them, bring them to a tailor. Just don’t let those pieces accumulate. My editor has a pile of things by her front door that need a tailor’s attention; I tell her that’s not a solution, that’s just another problem!
Start small.
Every item that goes is a step towards a cleansed closet is a step towards a cleansed you. For the closet-cleaning curious, I suggest implementing the time rule: Give yourself 60 seconds once a day to find one item to part with. By the end of the week, you’ll have seven things to sell, donate, or throw away.