Why Issa Rae Hates Clubs, Loves Staying In

(sad music)

(sighing)

I don't like going out.

I just don't.

I'm just more of a, you know, kick it at home,

bring some friends over, have some wine.

I can even do house parties, cause house parties are fun.

They're people that you know, there's a purpose,

you actually dance.

But the club, there's just something about it that's

just disgusting to me, and I will always find an excuse

to get out of it.

I gotta get up early tomorrow.

(clearing throat) Oh, I think I'm getting sick.

No, no, I was sick already, but you know my immune system

(laughs) is whack.

That place, I heard it smell like it's a gas leak in there.

So, you know, it's not safe.

It probably got asbestos?

I heard Mercury is in retrograde.

I don't know what it means, but everybody's talking about it

so it can't be good.

No, my ex goes to that spot, so...

What, what ex?

Remember our homegirl, uh, Tishon?

She broke her leg there, and she, like, has a lawsuit.

Have fun now, tell everybody I say hey.

Tell everybody I miss you.

I'm there in spirit.

But I have this one friend in particular who just needs

to go out, who just needs to say that she left the house.

There was this one night where she was like, There's this

club, even you would like it, girl, like it is lit.

It is popping, it is all the terms.

So she got another friend of ours to convince me to go.

So there was going to be the three of us, and I was like,

Okay, fine, I'll go.

You know, the car ride up there was great, cause we're

playing our tunes, we're having a great time,

and you know there's that moment where you're like

oh, maybe this won't be so bad.

So we get to the club, and there is nobody there.

Not a soul.

Not even ghosts.

My first thought is this is great,

because I did my part, I showed up,

and so now the night is a bust, and it's your fault.

We stayed there for, like, a half an hour, and then we

go up to like the second floor of the club.

Just when I'm about to like work up the nerve to be

like, let's get the fuck out of here, it's starts pouring

raining, and now we can't leave.

So we stood there watching the rain pour for an hour

just like chillin' at this empty-ass club.

She still had the nerve to be like, But you know at least

we're out the house, right?

Like still not ready to go home.

And she was like, I know these guys, their house is always

popping, like there's always something going on,

y'all not even ready.

We're never ready.

And we get there, they're just sitting there

watching episodes of Fresh Prince, like just reruns.

Old episodes that aren't even the best episodes.

So we're stuck there because you can't just show up

to somebody's house and then leave, cause that's rude.

And so she's like, Well, at least we have a funny story.

(laughing) Right?

And we didn't, cause it was not funny.

And I've never gone out with her again.

I have, I've gone out with her again.