Karley Sciortino on Finding Unidentified Underwear in Her Boyfriend’s Bed

When I was 24 I started dating this guy called Max.

He was six foot one, and 113 pounds.

So essentially, a human dandelion,

which is my ideal male body type.

Things were going pretty well.

Until, one morning I found a pair of girl's panties

down the side of his bed.

Obviously I was kind of freaking out.

So I said to him, I was like,

Whose underwear are these?

And he said, Oh, well they just must've been there

since before we met.

To be fair, we'd only been dating

for three months at this point

and it looked like he hadn't cleaned

his bedroom in three years.

But, still, it kind of freaked me out.

Also, we had never really had the,

so we're so not sleeping with anyone else talk.

But I didn't think it was necessary

because he was constantly telling me

that he wished he was a eunuch

after reading that self-castration

leads to more productivity.

Anyway, fast forward a year,

and things are going pretty well, I thought.

Until one day I find another pair of girl's underwear

down the side of his bed.

I'm like, oh my God, is he cheating on me?

Like, are they his?

Does he have some kind of kinky

cross-dressing fetish situation happening?

Which clearly would be the better option in this scenario.

Anyway I'm like, Whose underwear are these?

And he's like, Oh, they're yours.

They were black boy shorts.

They weren't totally out of the realm

of something that I would wear.

But, it's funny how when you really like someone,

slash, are obsessed with someone.

You can convince yourself of almost anything

to keep of the facade that things are going well.

And so I took this random underwear home,

washed them, and going forward once a week

for the next six months or so,

I would wear my boyfriend's side chick's underpants.

They would cinch my hips

and cut off the circulation of my legs.

It was painful.

It was sort of like a deranged Cinderella story.

The underwear didn't fit,

which should have been a signifier

that he was not Prince Charming.

But instead I just dated him for two and a half years.

And I never figured out,

did these two pairs of underwear belong to different girls?

Was it one girl that he was sleeping with

the entire time we were dating?

It was sad, sad behavior.