Celebrity Ushers Crash Replica Handbag Store World: London (Ft. James Corden, Sienna Miller, James McAvoy, Cush Jumbo & Damien Lewis)

[audience cheering]

Okay, okay, okay.

That's it. Thank you very much.

That's it. Show's over.

Thank you very much.

Listen to your ushers. Especially you.

Show's over, ladies and gentlemen.

Off you trot. Quick as you can, please.

Follow the exits, please, ladies and gentlemen.

This way. Off you go.

Thank you very much. Show's over.

[audience member chuckling]

Yeah, let's get it moving.

There is an after party. Apparently.

So the sooner you all go, you know,

the sooner we can go home.

[audience chuckling]

What's the... is that... oh, what's that?

Is that... are you? Are you finished?

Is that... is that waste?

It's not good, waste.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you for coming. Thank you so much.

Thank you. We appreciate it.

[audience cheering]

Thank you! Thank you!

Thank you!

Sir! Sir, I am serious!

Either you move, or I will move around you.

Okay, fine. That's what we'll do.

[audience members laughing]

Where's this suit from?

It's very cheap. It's very cheap material.

Oh my God.

Oh!

[Comedian] What's the matter with this lot?

[audience cheering]

Hey?

Taking ages to leave.

Well, it's 'cause they're in the really posh seats.

They don't understand the concept of time.

Or the concept of a night bus.

The circle normally clears quickest.

[Comedian] Yeah. Does it really?

How's it going on up in the circle?

[Comedienne] Oh, we finished ages ago.

[audience cheering]

[Comedian] Yeah, no,

we were just having a really good chat actually, weren't we?

I tell you what, they're an unruly bunch up there tonight,

weren't they?

[Comedian] I know!

I thought this was supposed to be a classy affair.

All 'high fashion' and 'invite only', but-

Yeah, well, it is down here.

[Comedian] Yeah.

With your Lloyd Webers and your Winslet's, but up there...

[Comedians] Disgusting.

[audience cheering]

[Comedian] Animals. Animals.

Tell you what guys, sorry,

I'm not really sure the lost property protocols here,

but I found this earring while I was hoovering.

Not entirely sure what to do with it.

It looks very expensive.

I'll take that.

Really?

Yeah. Yeah.

You sure?

Right, that will find its way home. Don't you worry.

That's absolutely safe with me.

Guys, guys,

you're never going to guess what happened to me tonight.

[Comedian] What?

I met little Sims.

What?

My gosh.

I know, I know!

Actually, pretty magical moment.

We really shared an electric connection.

What happened?

Well, you know, I'm just out front, right?

And I'm shilling programs,

and I'm spitting mad lyrics, like, 'do you want a program?'

And I looked through the room

and she's just like, locked on man.

She's like a tractor beam.

She's just laser beams, right?

And she's progressing towards me and I'm like, whoa,

you better slow down little Miss Sunshine,

because I'm telling you,

you don't know what's going to happen next, right?

And she goes to me, she goes,

unbelievable, I'll never forget it, she goes, 'excuse me'.

What a lyricist.

And I go, what?

And she goes, 'can I get a program?'

[audience laughing]

And then, then, then what happened?

Then, right, right, I go, 'absolutely'.

And I just gave her the program.

[audience laughing]

Is that... that is it?

What?

[Comedian] Yeah. It's not your best story, is it?

[Comedian] Should we go? Let's do one. Come on guys.

I think we're done now.

[audience cheering]

Look at that.

[Comedians] Oh wow!

Oh wow!

[Comedienne] Wow. Look at that!

[Comedian] Would you look at that?

That is beautiful!

Yeah. I really love being out there,

being front of house tonight

and feeling all that excitement.

It was electric.

[Comedienne] Yeah.

I think that's what it's all about, isn't it?

It's like, you know, everybody feeling a part of something,

feeling alive, you know?

I suppose that doesn't feel too...

[Comedienne] No.

No, no, no.

Not at all, 'cause look, I remember I read this article,

amazing article on TikTok, and it was-

[audience cheering]

no, honestly, honestly, you know, life changing

and it was an actual scientific study, right,

on human beings, and what happens to them

when they're sitting together in a theater.

How their heartbeats begin to beat as one, all together,

and how they share a rhythm.

Even celebrities?

[audience laughing]

Even celebrities.

[Comedienne] Wow.

[Comedian] Wow.

But here's the thing, right?

You can't get that.

That only happens when we're all here together in one room.

If you don't get that, you don't experience it.

Hey, you can't rewind. Yeah.

[audience cheering]

You can't pause it. You can't rewind it.

You've just got a chance to listen to a whole story,

start to finish.

And even though you're in a room with a thousand people,

all hearts beating.

Yeah. 10 minutes into the second act,

you feel like you might just be one of a hundred.

Oh. And when you hear the last line of that play...

You forget who you came with,

and you think the whole thing was just for you.

[Comedienne] Yeah.

You know, I've dreamt of that since I was a little kid,

you know, just to stand on a West End stage!

[Stage Doorkeeper] Yeah! On the stage.

[audience cheering]

[Comedienne] Oh!

Behind it. And to the sides of it.

Sorry, I shouldn't... I'm not-

No, no, no, no, no. Don't you dare go.

You stand put. You enjoy it.

See, it takes about a hundred different people

working about a hundred different jobs

to put a show on and to keep it running.

Crew, dresses, stage managers...

the people in front-

Listen, we need to apologize.

Are you the actual stage manager?

No, no. I'm the stage doorkeeper.

[Comedians] Oh!

I'm the keeper of the stage door.

[Comedienne] Ooh.

I don't why they have to make it sound so medieval,

but anyway.

No, I came here because I just had a call.

Apparently Kate Winslet dropped an earring somewhere here,

so did somebody pick it up?

[audience laughing]

[audience cheering]

[Comedienne] Found it!

Fine, there.

[Stage Doorkeeper] Thank you.

[Comedienne] Yeah. You're welcome.

As for you, there's still time.

It can still happen, you know?

As long as bloody AI doesn't take all our jobs away.

[audience cheering]

Yeah. All those ushers you meet,

[audience member shouting]

all the ice cream sellers in the interval,

all the program sellers,

a lot of them are the working actors and dancers,

maybe the writers, directors of the future.

They're all part of this sort of ritual

[gentle music]

that we all perform every night, the same time.

Across the city, across the country, thousands of theaters.

7:30, house lights dying down.

A hush of anticipation as the story begins.

And people step out onto that stage

to live out their dreams.

[music continues]

Right.

Shall we separate this into recycling and general waste?

And then we'll...

[audience laughing]

And I'll get this-

[comedians chattering]

Let's do it.

Come on. This way.

[dramatic music]

[audience cheering]